one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you inspire me to be a worse person
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
