I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
