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• (770): View more from Georgia

  Dude, I just rear-ended a cab

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Are you drunk?

  (770): View more from Georgia

  A little...yes

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Run!

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Terrible brother advice.

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• (818): View more from California

  We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier

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• (206): View more from Washington

  Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.

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• (985): View more from Louisiana

  shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.

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• (705): View more from Ontario

  Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...

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• (904): View more from Florida

  I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy

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• (845): View more from New York

  She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.

  (1-845): View more from New York

  she is way to in-touch with her childhood

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.

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• (530): View more from California

  Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.

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• (424): View more from California

  i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.

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• (530): View more from California

  You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?

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