Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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