I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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