Can Purell be used as lube?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We are two peas in an std pod
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
