How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I miss vodka workout Fridays
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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