i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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