On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
