John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
