we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
