Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.