You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
