Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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