but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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