having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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