I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
