Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
