Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
