so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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