I must be too annoying 4 u.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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