So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
