I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
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while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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