I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize