It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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