I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
