Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
