thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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