my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
