I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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