At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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