watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
