Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
