my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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