Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
