I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
