I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
