he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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