i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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