This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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