is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
