I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
