I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
