Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
