just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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