Plan B is the new Plan A
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
high people should be assigned attendants
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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