I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
