Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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