I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
