Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
