Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he puts the penis in happiness.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
