Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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