we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
