Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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