god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
