my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
