11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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