So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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