can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
