I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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