if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
