ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
