Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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