bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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