If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize