so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize